请高人帮帮修改雅思作文!顺便帮忙看看能得多少分!悬赏20,全部家底!多谢各位啦!急啊!题目：Tourismisseenasamajorindustryformanycountries.However,ittendstoha-veadeleteriouseffectonth

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请高人帮帮修改雅思作文!顺便帮忙看看能得多少分! 悬赏20,全部家底! 多谢各位啦!急啊!
题目：Tourism is seen as a major i ndustry for many countries. However, it tends to ha-ve a deleterious effect on the environment and should be strictly monitored. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In this day and age, tourism tends to be a growing lucrative industry the world over and even becomes main source of some governments' revenue. Nonetheless, as it aggravates the environment in local area,some people would argue that tourism should be surpervised strictly in order to preserve our vulnerable environment . Personally, I believe that we ought to enhance our regulation and administration in these areas, but not to stringent to keep tabs on their tourists to scare away them.
These years we are witnessing a deteriorating trend in environment and this is partly due to the tourists poor behaviour. To illustrate, some tourists often litter and do as they please in the tourism area regardless of rules there. Furthermore, a host of local authorities construct basic facilities to meet the ever gowing outside population which beyond the local environmental capacity. Therefore, some tourist attraction spot are damaging and even unable to recover. These are but a few obvious situation that should be change.
However, tourism has the potential to bring about more economic benefits and contribute to the local economy. As majority of some governments wealth lies within tourism itself,it would be not appropriate if we carry out rigid regulations, for the number of tourists will diminish as a result of feeling deprived of freedom. What is required of this situation is proper and reasonable management by authorities. The touism department should co-nsider how to best combine economy with environment thereby minimizing the harm to local areas. Besides, tourists feel obliged to become responsible and rational individuals to conserve our unique local environment.
Overall, economy and environment are able to go hand in hand as long as we effectively deal with the relationship between them .

Answer 1

前面有人改和评过了,老实说不敢苟同,可能是因为他们自己的水平还不如你吧?
我有点忙,就帮你改第一段吧,因为感觉问题比较多.
NOWADAYS (DELETE In this day and age),tourism SEEMS (DELETE tends) to be a growing lucrative industry ACROSS/AROUND the world （DELETE over) and HAS even become (DELETE s) A/THE main source of some governments' revenue.Nonetheless,as it SOMETIMES HAS A NEGATIVE IMPACT ON OUR (DELETE aggravates the) environment (DELETE in local area),some people (DELETE would) argue that THE DEVELOPMENT OF tourism should be KEPT UNDER CLOSE WATCH (DELETE surpervised strictly) in order to preserve our vulnerable environment.Personally,I believe that we SHOULD (DELETE ought to) enhance our SUPERVISION AND regulationS ON THE TOURISM SECTOR (DELETE and administration in these areas),but not THROUGH ANY TOO (DELETE to) stringent MEASURES THAT MIGHT (DELETE to keep tabs on their) SCARE THE tourists (DELETE to scare) away (DELETE them.)
简单点评：1．你的英语基本功不过关,很多语法单词时态及表达的错误,还有点追求花哨的意思,用的词偏大,又不很贴切．
2．你的开头段落思想不明确,虽然表明了要加强对旅游业适当监管的观点,但没有说明旅游业如何危害环境是一大败笔．
3．建议你不要把作文看成简单的行文凑字数,一定要讲究有思想有观点,逻辑清楚．一定要避免简单的低级错误,吃不准的词汇不要乱用,反而弄巧成拙．句子结构也是一样．比如最后一句你想用TOO．．．TO结构,但你一是把单词都拼错了,二来TOO．．TO表示的是”太．．．而不能”,你要表达的难道是”监管太严厉而不能吓走游客”么?三是这里后半句与前面半句承接也不对,如果是HAVE REGULATIONS,后面半句可以理解为修饰REGULATIONS的,可你是ENHANCE．．．,是一个”提高”的行动,后面半句就应该是副词从句（当然简单改成STRINGENTLY也不对）．这些都是语感的问题,你看看我给你改的就可能有所领悟了．如果你真的无法驾驭复杂句子,建议你还是多用简单句型,至少不会出错或让考官看不明白啊（人家可不会从中国人思维习惯来理解你）
要说评分,我看5分,最多5分半就很好了,上6分很难．你还需要好好努力呢．