雅思作文,求高人修改.一直觉得自己chinglish很严重,希望可以有高人帮我修改一下.马上就要考试了.Manypeoplearguethatinordertoimproveeducationalqualitycontinuously,studentsareencouragedtomakecommentsorev

Question

雅思作文,求高人修改.一直觉得自己chinglish很严重,希望可以有高人帮我修改一下.马上就要考试了.
Many people argue that in order to improve educational quality continuously,students are encouraged to make comments or even criticism on teachers.Others think the respect and discipline in the classroom will disappear.Which opinion do you prefer?
As the result of development of democracy and improvement of society in china,the right of public speaking has been enhanced increasingly including those students who are studying in school.Discussion about whether students should make comments on teachers has been widely debated.Personally,I think this trend will be identified as positive trend.Though there may create some social problems .
For students ,who were given the right to make comments or suggestions meant that they had already had a efficient listening when having class before they were to make comments .according to this way ,students’ passion towards learning would be arisen.For those teachers,through some suggestions,teachers would fully understand the attitude which students gave him or her and thus it will decrease the possibility that some teachers would ignore students in class.
Conversely,the consensus seemed to hold a negative view towards this issue because they were worried about students might not obey their teacher any more.However,there were much evidence proving that relationships between teachers and students in the class which were covered with democratic atmosphere such as students would give comment to teacher were much better than those there were only teacher speaking .In addition,the class will become full of creativity instead of the traditional module which students were listening and teacher were just delivering.last but not the least,the reputation of teacher did not decide by if students were making comments on him or her.But the popularity and satisfactory of this teacher among students.
Above all,I appreciate this kind of class which has more comments on teacher from students .however,it is better to advise teacher after class instead of in present class.Mover,it is the comments ,rather than criticism ,of class which were given by student.

Answer 1

我觉得第一段 你最好背个通用的开头段,就是基本题目都能套的上的,最好有几个比较难的单词,写作文的时候,直接套着题目默出来,省时间而且分页不低.然后背点像additionally 这样的连接词, not only ...but also..., although,等固定搭配多用点,但是模棱两可不会用的别用,省的错了扣分.
祝你考试取得好成绩!