还有两个星期就考雅思了,写作要求6.5-7,求大神批改我的作文,任何错误都可以指出,我觉得我的词语和句型都很一般,Somepeoplethinkthattohaveasuccessfullifeyouhavetohaveuniversityeducation,whileothers

Question

还有两个星期就考雅思了,写作要求6.5-7,求大神批改我的作文,任何错误都可以指出,
我觉得我的词语和句型都很一般,
Some people think that to have a successful
life you have to have university education,while others think it’s not
that important.Discuss both views and give your opinion based on personal
experience and knowledge.
This issue of whether college study has a great
impact on the success of life is of great concern to many people.From my point
of view,university education only occupies a small part of life,the efforts
and willpower take over the main position.
There is no doubt that absorbing knowledge lays
the foundation on the future life,which can make a person cultivated.No
matter which work will be done,the abundant knowledge reserve is
indispensable.What’s more,university study also cultivate the ability which
not only analyzing the question,but also solve the question.Students do not
have a simplifying view,instead,consider more complicated.
On the contrary,it is the experience and communicative
competence that cannot be taught in college education.Firstly,making friends
is the necessary lesson that we have to spend a long time,may be a year,even
a whole life to study,which do us a favor of developing contacts.Secondly,only
after work can we acquire the practice experience,as well as the occupation
accomplishment.Regardless of the grade in school,the working attitude and
expression is the reference point of the life level which sometimes reflex a
person’s personality.
To conclude,I concede that university
education plays an important role in the successful life.Nevertheless,practice
in the sole criterion for testing truth,while learning of theory ultimately
serves practical application.In addition,it is not available for a school tocultivate a person’s spirit and willpower,which must be formed in daily life.

Answer 1

咳咳咳,作为考完的烤鸭...我觉得小朋友.私聊我可能还会改,这样网页.
举个例子university education only occupies a small part of life,the efforts
and willpower take over the main position.这两个句子给个连接词才行,比如thus.不能酱紫贸然换主语.
here is no doubt that absorbing knowledge lays
the foundation on the future life,which can make a person cultivated.which指代有问题,它不能指代句子.
大问题没有,小问题一堆.语法ing.