求张老师狠批Asissymbolicallyillustratedinthepicture,therearetwogroupsofpeoplewiththeirlords,oneisonthetopofacliffwithabannerwhichisput“mountvillage”,theotherisonitsoppositeside.Strangely,peopleinbothsid

Question

求张老师狠批
As is symbolically illustrated in the picture,there are two groups of people with their lords,one is on the top of a cliff with a banner which is put “mount village”,the other is on its opposite side.Strangely,people in both sides have the same words on their bodies; they are mobile-phone,superstar,costume and so on.Looking carefully,the pieces on the heads of the people who are standing on the cliff but none on the others’ heads is the only different between them.
This cartoon has subtly revealed a thought-provoking phenomenon which is not uncommon in China now.There is no denying that the word “mount village” means “copycatting culture” as another definition in Chinese.At least,two fundamental factors may cause this phenomenon.To begin with,with the sweeping trend of cultural blending,people in mounting number whose average income still low by international standard,looking forward to use the advanced products.Consequently,counterfeits are the only choice for them to use.In addition,it is universally known that most counterfeits have more functions than quality products.An old saying that “the more the better” works here.
Although copycatting culture has its own advantages,it is still copy instead of creation.It is my point that only by creation can we make progress and have a brighter future.
考研作文,山寨文化

Answer 1

文章修改如下：
As is symbolically illustrated in the picture, there are two groups of people with each of their lords, one of the lord is on the top of a cliff with a banner which the words “mount village” are on, and the other is on the opposite side. Strangely, people in each of the sides have the same words on their bodies, together with the patterns of mobile-phones, superstars, costumes and so on.
Looking carefully, there is a certain piece on the head of each of the people, who are standing on the one side of the cliffs, but nothing on the others’ heads; both of them are quite different from each other.
This cartoon has subtly revealed a thought-provoking phenomenon which is not uncommon in China now. Beyond all doubt, the words “mount village” means “copycatting culture”, which is as another definition in Chinese. At least, two fundamental factors may cause this phenomenon. To begin with, with the sweeping trend of cultural blending, people in the clothes with mounting patterns, whose average income still low by international standard, are looking forward to use the advanced products. Consequently, counterfeits are the only choice for them to use. In addition, it is universally known that most counterfeits have more functions than quality products. An old saying “the more the better” works here.
Although copycatting culture has its own advantages, it is still a copy instead of creation. It is my point that only by creation that can we make progress and have a brighter future.
评语
1. 前两段的描述与后面的评论脱节,也就是说,前面的画面描述没有说明白两伙人是否都用了copycatting culture.（由于没有看到 cartoon,不好进一步修改）.
2. 有些句子表述不清,举例如下：
a) one is on the top of a cliff with a banner which is put “mount village”（没有看到你的图片,不知道此处的banner上是否书写着mount village的字样,还是其他意思.如果是前者,which定语从句需要改为 which the words “mount village” are on [关系代词which 是介词 on的宾语,意思是“上面有‘山寨’的字样”]）.
b) the other is on it’s (it’s指代什么?应该是人吧,是否改为 his 或者 the,指代上文的 one) opposite side.
c) people in both sides have the same words on their bodies; they are mobile-phone, superstar, costume and so on. （分号后的这一句与上文联系缺乏过渡,they 指代什么?指people还是bodies?后面既有东西mobile-phone, costume, 又有人superstar,而且可数名词mobile-phone和superstar 也应该用复数.）
d) Looking carefully, the pieces on the heads of the people who are standing on the cliff but none on the others’ heads is the only different between them. 本句是文章的提出评论意见的关键,但是看不懂你要表达的意思.我在语法上作了修改（见正文）,但是还是不能自圆其说）
3. 其他错误都在修改过的文章中一一作了改正.