请问你能帮我看下我的英文简历吗?WorkingExperience:June,2006---Present,MCC,SafetySupervisorDescriptionofJob:⊙EstablishtheannualEHSobjectivesandplanning,Develop,implement,andmanagesafetySOPandprocedurestofulfillabove

Question

请问你能帮我看下我的英文简历吗?
Working Experience:
June,2006--- Present,MCC,Safety Supervisor
Description of Job:
⊙ Establish the annual EHS objectives and planning,Develop,implement,and manage safety SOP and procedures to fulfill above objectives;
⊙ Implementing & improving the EHS system files,reviewing EHS system files and progresses every year;
⊙ Conduct safety inspections and audits to ensure all corrective actions are completed in time,and keep the document in the archives;
⊙ Risk assessment study on hazard sources,conduct JSHA (Job safety & Health Analysis) for job site,making them to be under control with safety technique and control measurement;
⊙ Ensure the mechanical equipments,personnel,environments is the requirements of EHS system files;
⊙ Development the course pertinent EHS,and provide the trainings for employees,inspect for the PPE to ensure of the employees are safe person;
⊙ Work for emergency preparedness and response drill,control the safe risk to be reduced as lower as possible;
⊙ Coordinate with the local Governmental safety related department and completed the reports per their request.
Performance:
Since June,2006,My company maintain zero accident and zero complaint records,the environments,health and safety indicators met the EHS index system exactly.In 2008,I received an honor of the advanced individual in company,and three honors of excellent department were given to the EHS management department that I worked in from 2007 to 2009.
Reasons for Resignation:
Career development and settle down in Wuhan city.
Experiences in University:
2003/08 – 2006/06,University safety engineering laboratory,laboratory assistant
Description of Job:
Daily work and assisting in the management and debugging test equipments; taking part in some experiments and some engineering project,such as the cone calorimeter measures burning calories,safety evaluation and improvement of the operating environment.
Experience of important Projects:
⊙ Firefighting performance evaluation and improvement of leisure & entertainment multifunctional hall in Qingdao a Holiday hotel;
⊙ Performed in evaluation of occupation healthy and improvements for a Qingdao Hardware Factory;
⊙ Five-month Practices in a Qingdao Automobile Enterprise.
Self-evaluation:
⊙ Have strong sense of responsibility and desire of self-realization,can work initiatively under pressure;
⊙ Can quickly enter the working state;
⊙ Strong analytical and problem solving skills,Good communication and learning ability;
⊙ Teamwork spirit and good ability in organization;
⊙ Proficiency in office software and AutoCAD,Skilled computer literate.
另外,这个句话能这样写吗?
The courses above with good performance
请帮忙看看里面的表达是否地道,是否符合外企习惯,当然,更不能有语法和单词错误,先送上50分,如果你有时间帮我看,我愿意根据你的要求加分,

Answer 1

说实话你的简历问题不少.一是语法和用词,是内容.
I'll start with the content 'cause it's probably easier to deal with.
1.You have the categories experience,job description,performance,reason for resignation and university experience,it's a bit redundant.
Try something like
EXPERIENCE
Safety inspector
- etc etc etc insert your content here.you don't need to separate job description and performance,they should be under the same title,and you don't need to provide a reason for your resignation.If you want to mention it,you can do so in the cover letter,but it's not critical.
University experience
- You mentioned a five month practical,(yes,it's practical,not practice),you may want to mention what you did and how you did.You worked there for 4yrs,may as well talk about it.
2.Do not give a self evaluation.If you want to provide a list of skill sets and traits that make you suitable for the job,fine,but that's usually in the beginning of the resume.And titled something like 'Skill Sets" or "Qualifications",these are usually a summary of your key skills and traits.The title self-evaluation makes you sound pompous.
3.How long ago did you graduate from university?usually your resume include an education category,even if it is only a couple of lines.
4.It is customary to write job title first and date later.
e.g.safety inspector 2006-present.
----------------^_________^------------------------------------
I don't want to fix the grammar & diction problems because you have a lot of editing to do,& even if I do correct your mistakes now,it wouldn't help because you'll have to change most of them anyways.
PS.The courses above with good performance is not right,I don't think,at least I can't understand it.