后天就要考试了,求高手批改托福独立作文!我感觉自己这次要悲剧了.唉.Forsuccessfuldevelopmentofacountry,shouldagovernmentfocusitsbudgetmoreonveryyoungchildreneducationratherthanonuniversities?RecentlyIsaw

Question

后天就要考试了,求高手批改托福独立作文!我感觉自己这次要悲剧了.唉.
For successful development of a country,should a government focus its budget more
on very young children education rather than on universities?
Recently I saw a report on the newspaper that the tuition of some primary school has been increasing amazingly and the statistic prove it is a real one.According to the investigation conducted by ZheJiang University,the cost of a child’s education has increased by 78% in the past 5 years.More and more people begin to hold the idea that government should invest more money in the primary education.In contrast,I firmly allege that a government should continue focus more on the development of university.
To start with,university has always been the most important factor to the advancement and development of a country.First,most of the successful people,who contribute a lot to our agriculture,industry and any other areas,almost have the experiences of receiving education in colleges.According to DaLian post,one medium specialized in education,reveal that 97% Nobel Prize winners are graduates from universities.Furthermore,besides its contribution to education,most of the best universities have various research centers such as ones in biology,archeology and so on.For example,one of the most important energy institution is in ShangHai Communication university,which play an indispensable role in the process of finding new energy.As a result,if it couldn’t get enough fund from the government,it would make very negative influence on our country’s future.
In addition,young children education doesn’t need so much money as university does.In order to update their equipments,universities have to spend tens of thousands of dollars buy new patents.In contrast,children would never need such expensive stuff for them to acquire information and solve problems.On the other hand,since the university has opened various classes,the students need enough book,magazines and other materials for them to accumulate enough knowledge and find solutions to difficult questions.Adversely,children never need so many resources for the fact that it takes them very long time to finish only one book so that providing them with too many materials is a waste of time.
Admittedly,the primary education indeed play an important role in a person’s life.However,it doesn’t mean that government must put more fund into this area because most of the important education work of a child rely on his or her parents rather than on government.In conclusion,it is my belief that government should distribute more money to university than very young children’s education.

Answer 1

写得挺好的,但有一些小错误.
1、continue focus 改为continue to focus
2、one of the most important energy institution ,其中institution要加s,还有后面which play ,play 加s.
3、spend tens of thousands of dollars buy new patents,改为spend tens of thousands of dollars on new patents或(in)buying new patents. 注意spend的用法.
4、the primary education indeed play…,play加s