麻烦帮看一下下面这则汉译英在经历了京津冀地区的雾霾恐慌后,今年9月国务院出台了《大气污染防治行动计划》,涉及包括京津冀、长三角和珠三角在内的重点控制区,水泥、化工等六大重污

Question

麻烦帮看一下下面这则汉译英
在经历了京津冀地区的雾霾恐慌后,今年9月国务院出台了《大气污染防治行动计划》,涉及包括京津冀、长三角和珠三角在内的重点控制区,水泥、化工等六大重污染行业以及燃煤工业锅炉的新建项目.
Suffering from the haze panic ofBeijing,Tianjin,Hubei,the State Council launched the Plan of Action for Preventionand Control of Atmospheric Pollution in September,which involves key controlareas include Beijing,Tianjin,Hubei,the Yangtze River delta and Pearl Riverdelta,cement,chemical and other six heavy pollution industries and the newprojects of coal-fired industrial boiler.
which involves key controlareas include 这里include 用的不对,是不是可以改成including；或者直接去掉which involves key controlareas：

Answer 1

这句话有一点难度的,修正+改进后翻译如下.注意看我翻译中的时态变化和标点、断句结构.
Having suffered the haze panic in Beijing,Tianjin,and Hubei,in September China's State Council issued the Action Plan for Air Pollution Prevention and Control.The Plan covers certain key controlling areas including Beijing,Tianjin,Hubei,the Yangtze River Delta,and the Pearl River Delta.It targets at six pollution-heavy industries (e.g.,cement,chemical,etc.) as well as a newly established industrial project—the coal-fired boiler.
这道翻译题的难度不仅在于一些高难度的词汇,更在于中文的特色：用简介的字词来表达多重意思.这句中文就一句话,可是如果对应翻译就一句英文,我想没有任何一个外国人会一下子就看得清楚明白,阅读理解会遇到困难.我进行了分句和标点符号的处理,这样结构更加清晰,辅助阅读.不过如果这样处理翻译题是不规范的,那我可能就得不了翻译考试的考分啦,哈哈~
希望对你多少有些帮助吧 :-)