哥哥.姐姐们帮我改改语病Subject:ThemaindifferencebetweenmycollegelifeandmymiddleschoollifeWhenIwasinjuniorhighschoolthesystemisstrict.You`remanagedbytheteacher,theclassmonitorortheordercontroller.Forbeaccep

Question

哥哥.姐姐们帮我改改语病
Subject:The main difference between my college life and my middle school life
When I was in junior high school the system is strict.You`re managed by the teacher,the class monitor or the order controller.For be accepted by a better college,we have to spend much more time on our textbook,most of our daytime were occupied by our homework,we do not have enough leisured hours.
The organization of college is more managezble.All of the administration rely on your self-control and it is time to learn how to deal with your things,not only indicate the study part of your life,such as,do your own laundary,make bed....
The differences of our life between in univercity and in high school is prominent,especially the first year of your college may be along with a little uncomfortable,so there`s two problems wait to be solved:One,how to face the unexpected matter;Two,how to handle it in the proper way.
改的全的追加50

Answer 1

按照你原来的行文方式的单纯的语病修改：
When I was in junior high school (Middle school是初中更常用的说法吧?高中就是High school,我看这个topic应该是要求写高中的,但不知道为什麽是middle school...) the system (system is strict?这个修饰有点不贴切...而且前面你用了was这里有成了is,时态不对.建议改成was) is strict.(标点后面要加个空格,然后接下一个单词,后面很多这种错误,注意修改.) You`re (作文裏面不要有缩写,写成 you are ) managed (manage这个词不好.老师管理学生你可以用supervise) by the teacher (最好用复数,前面不加"the" ),the class monitor or the order controller.For (应该用To) be accepted by a better college,we have (是had) to spend much more time on our textbook,(此处应当断句,用句号) most of our daytime were (was,daytime不可数名次) occupied by our homework,we do (是did) not have enough leisured (直接用leisure ) hours.
The organization of (此处要一个"a" 或者 "our" 比较好) college is more managezble(?不明白要表达什麽意思...不通).All of the administration rely on your self-control and it is time to learn how to deal with your (加一个"own",我看意思是想表达"自己的事") things,not only indicate (用focus on,indicate在这里讲不通) the study part of your life,such as,do your own laundary,make bed....
The differences of our life between in (这个"in"很不是地方,建议修改语序,见后) univercity (拼错了,university,而且university 和college不同,不要随便替换) and in high school (怎麽又成了high school ) is prominent(这个词太大了...),especially the first year of your college may be along with a little uncomfortable 有点硬头皮罗列单词的感觉...),so there`s (后面是two这里怎麽是is呢?) two problems wait (用waiting) to be solved:One,how to face the unexpected matter;Two,how to handle it in the proper way.(最后这几句话很乱...很多语病)
修改后的短文:
Subject:The main difference between my college life and my middle school life.
注意题目用了my,文中尽量写自己的感受,用my,our这种词.讲述普遍现象的时候再用your.
When I was in high school the system is strict.We were supervised all the time,by teachers,sometimes even by the class monitor or the order controller.In order to be admitted to a better college,we had to spend much more time on our textbook.Most of our daytime was occupied by our homework,we do not have much leisure hours.
The organization of a college is quite different.It relies on your self-control and it is time to learn how to deal with your own things,such as laundary,making bed.The study part is not all of my life any more.
There are quite a few differences between life in college and high school.The first year of my college life was a little uncomfortable,for there were always two problems waiting to be solved:one is how to face the unexpected events; and the other one is how to handle them in a proper way.
草草修改难免有误,仅供参考.