麻烦找一下这封信的语法错误~DEARSIRORMADAMI'mwritingtotellyouthatIhavesomequestionsabouthowtoapplyforthepre-universitycourseinyourschool.First,I'dliketointroducemyself.IamastudentofaseniorhighschoolinS

Question

麻烦找一下这封信的语法错误~
DEAR SIR OR MADAM
I'm writing to tell you that I have some questions about how to apply for the pre-university course in your school.
First,I'd like to introduce myself.I am a student of a senior high school in Shanghai and just finished Grade two.As one of the top students in my school,that I can't attend the university entrance examination in Shanghai really puzzled me.(I must back to my hometown to attend it,but the examination there is tremendously different from it in Shanghai) So I decide to further my study abroad.
Then what troubled me is that I'm 17 years old now and I'm not old enough to apply for the pre-university course.That I need to attend another pre-university course after I finishing the Grade three in your school is the reason why I don't want to enroll in the high school courses.That's really a waste of time.If it is possible I'd like to spend one year or one and half a year finishing all my courses in Canada before I apply for my university.
Finally,I haven't got my standard language scores and English is not my strengths,but it doesn't matter because I believe myself and I will work hard from now henceforth.
I really hope that you can give me some advice.I'm an optimistic girl^^,so whatever you say I will accept.Please response me soon.I'm looking forward to your reply.THANK YOU!
YOURS SINCERELY
LUCY
这不是我的东西-....是个朋友的，她说她自己不大确定要我帮忙改改，我比较懒也没看出来多大错的地方，本人英语也不咋地，所以问了她一下就贴到zhidao上让大家帮忙改改了 ...如果能在这个基础上改写改写最好了我会加分的

Answer 1

As one of the top students in my school,that I can't attend the university entrance examination in Shanghai really puzzled me.
(I must （加个 go吧）back to my hometown to attend it,but the examination there is tremendously different from it（去掉it） in Shanghai).出国的动机很诡异.好歹说说想学学外国先进文化技术,以后为祖国做贡献啥的.这个理由太神奇了.我一中国人都理解不了,何况外国人.再说他们的pre-univ course根本也不算真正的上大学,跟高三没有本质区别.
错误太多了.that I need to attend another pre-university course after I finishing (把ing去了) the Grade three in your school is the reason；
Finally,I haven't got （gotten...） my...English is not my strengths（删了吧,申请学校没人到处说自己弱点是什么的）,英语都不行了后面写：it doesn't matter...这句好歹也是学校人说不可能自己说无所谓吧-_-...henceforth 这个词太文绉绉了,用在这里不伦不类.
另外,whatever you say I will accept.太雷人了.这给人的感觉根本就是个没思想的小孩-_-Please response me soon.这句可以删掉,没权利命令人家.笑脸符号也可以删了.这种信件基本还是要严肃的.
基本建议：把自己缺点藏起来,表现得自己诚实并且有思想有追求有潜力有自信.出国理由就是为了学习,甭扯上客观环境理由.英语canada我不知道,美国没考过托福雅思的都要参加基本英语培训课程.自己基本情况写个CV作为附件一起发过去,这种信就不用加上不详细的自我介绍了.如果需要英语培训要诚实得说明,但是不要又说自己英文不好,说自己希望能增强口语和了解文化才打算上的.高中生应该要求的本身就不高,英语本身不用完美,最怕一看就是翻译机器的单词（那个henceforth,我好歹在美国生活了几年从没见过这个单词.）,但是要做到逻辑清晰.