求助+有赏求英语达人帮忙润色教师推荐信.推荐信是我自己从中文翻译过去的,由于水平有限,肯定不少问题.我希望能改的能地道一些,更像老师的口吻.DearAdmissionCommittee,Asanassociateprofesso

Question

【求助+有赏】求英语达人帮忙润色教师推荐信.
推荐信是我自己从中文翻译过去的,由于水平有限,肯定不少问题.我希望能改的能地道一些,更像老师的口吻.
DearAdmission Committee,
As an associate professor in CapitalNormal University of China,I have had the pleasure of knowing Yang Danyu for oneyear.At his request,I am more than happy to write this letter ofrecommendation.
I first noticed this student when she applied to me for joining in my programgroup in Undergraduate Scientific and Technological Innovation Project.Accordingto the recommendation from the vice-prexy,I agree to addher in.As she was a freshman then,I gave her some basic tasks and let herfollow the other group members.After a period of observation,I have perceivedthat Yang is talented and responsible student.She takes the program reallyseriously and learns very fast.In each group discussion,she is outstandingbecause of her enthusiasm and enterprise.She is eager to learn more and shethinks hard.Moreover,she is capable to get along with others very well and workwith others pleasantly.She finished each task in earnest and handed in them intime.
字数超了 ,那我再摘重要一段：
Yang applied her own program called data mining for the improvement of coursesystem as the leader of the group.The title of the program was proposed byherself and I am really interested in it as there is few study about it.She cameup with the idea that associate course information in the search engine onlinewith the course system.This idea not only can improving elective system,also proposea new way of using search engine approach efficiently.

Answer 1

1.第一句不要用had the pleasure of doing,
2.总觉得用at his request 不太好,最好能写出他需要推荐信的理由,以及我很乐意写这样一封信
3.第二段第三行 agreed
4.在经过一段时期的观察以后 那一句,不用完成时用过去时 talented前面少了冠词.后面的一句应该用过去时.
5.learns very fast好生硬,可以用类似 she has a great ability to learn这样的句子把意思说清楚
6.she is outstanding because of her enthusiasm and enterprise→With the enthusiasm and spirit of enterprise she had quite outstanding performances in each group discussion.
7.She is eager to learn more and she thinks hard.→She is eager to learn more and always hard-working.
8.data mining你自己斟酌是否要首字母大写
9. there is few study about it→ There hasn't been any study concerning this issue.另请斟酌这是否是你对这个项目感兴趣的真正原因?个人觉得因果关系并不充分
10.online search engine
11.This idea not only can improving elective system, also proposea new way of using search engine approach efficiently.首先仅仅是idea就真的能improve吗.然后不考虑这个的话改成this idea can not only improve.but also put forward a new and efficient way of.最后那个efficiently不要了.
暂时想到这个多 不过改的都是皮毛 希望能采纳.