帮忙英语作文改错,急!这是这次浙江五校联考的作文Thereisagraph.Itiseasytogetmessagesfromit.FirstlyTVandfilmisthemostimportantinfluencesforchoosingmusicanditeventakeuphalfofthewhole.Itshowsthatma

Question

帮忙英语作文改错,急!
这是这次浙江五校联考的作文
There is a graph.It is easy to get messages from it.
Firstly TV and film is the most important influences for choosing music and it even take up half of the whole.It shows that mangy students often watch TV or see films.
Secondly,friends' influence is 30%.Radio's influence is 20%.And parents' influence is 10%.It might say students use radio sometimes but less than TV or seeing films.And parents and friends both can influence students choosen. But the students may prefer friends' advice or the friends' advice is more suitable for students than parents'.
At the last,the graph shows friends parents radio and TV/film can influence the music that we listen to.And I pay more attention of the holding 50%.TV and film are really play a important role of our live.And many students like to see them. The music of the good TV or good film is popular of the students.The influence even over the friends.Now,we can more easy to see them and we can even see them everytime on the MP4.But I worry about if students spend too much time on the TV or film?But I think we can find the balance between studies and TV.

Answer 1

Here is the graph from which we can get messages easily.
Firstly TV and film are the most important influences on the choice of the music which even take up half of the whole.It shows that many students often watch TV or movies.
Secondly,30 percent of the influence are from the friends and that of the radio is 20 percent,and another 10percent are from the parents.It might say that students listen to the radios less than watching TV or seeing films.Parents' and friends' suggestions both have effects on the choice of the students .However,the students may prefer to those of the friends.In other words,the friends' advice is more suitable for students.
At the last,the graph shows that friends,parents,radios,and TV/films can affect the music that we listen to.And I pay more attention to the holding 50%.TV and films are really playing important roles in our lives with many students on fire for them.The music of the good TV and films is popular among the students.Now,we can see them more easily ,and even see them on the MP4 wherever and whenever.But I still worry about whether the students spend too much time on the TV and films or not.Anyway,I think we can keep a balance between studies and TV if we have a clear mind toward them.
我猜这是一篇图表作文吧,你的文章用了太多and but一类的,逻辑有点混乱.写图表作为要把图表内部的关系分析清楚,自己的观点要明确,问题的两个方面最好选取一个方面谈,按照你现在的水平想要把两个问题都说清楚还是有一定的难度的,希望我的建议对你有用.你文章中还是有不少亮点的,有些词组还是用的很不错的