指点语法错误,Thedigitalage作文标题是:Thedigitalage,我写了一小段,求指点语法错误,Thedigitalproductshavechangedthewayofourwork,educationandlifeultimately(还是用completely),Atfirst,duetotheappearofthec

Question

指点语法错误,The digital age
作文标题是:The digital age ,我写了一小段,求指点语法错误,
The digital products have changed the way of our work ,education and life ultimately(还是用completely) ,At first,due to the appear of the computer,many positions such as:book keepers,typists have been disappeared.At the same time,the postions relate to the computer have increased rapidly.
The second aspects,the way we spend our leisure life has changed a lot.We can play ipad after dinner or on our way to work,we can chat with our firend anytime through the smart mobilephone ,we can study english by the mobile phone software.
It is hard to imagine that a life without digital products now.Admit or not ,digital products have altered our daily life.

Answer 1

ultimately这里不是很合适,completely可以,另外还可以用entirely.
due to the appearing,必须用ing形式作为动名词,其实可以另外写成advancements of computer或者development of
职业的话用position不合适,一般用job,你觉得太简单了可以用occupation,还有,不是be disappeared,这里直接用disappeared,这里没被动关系.
一般手机程序不用software,用application,还有by mobile phone applications,虽然语法没错,但是表达总感觉不对,感觉用through applications of mobile phones好点,或者by using mobile phones' applications
其他没发现什么大的错误