请大家帮我评评这篇英语作文!看看我能拿几分!TOM的狗Puppy在他家附近的公园里散步,不小心走失了.TOM很焦急.请你帮他写一封寻狗启事WhenTOM'SdogPuppygoesforaworkintheparknearhishome,hewaslost.

Question

请大家帮我评评这篇英语作文!看看我能拿几分!
TOM的狗Puppy在他家附近的公园里散步,不小心走失了.TOM很焦急.请你帮他写一封寻狗启事
When TOM'S dog Puppy goes for a work inthe park near his home ,he was lost.
(然后事描写Puppy的外貌特征）
If you can find the dog ,please call TOM at 133629752.
Address:No.2 street
可以这样写吗?人称是否正确?
外貌描写是写了的！Puppy is yellow.he has two small eyes and a big nose.he is very young,only one years old.大概还有写内容，忘了。）

Answer 1

1.首先你是替Tom写寻狗启事,所以应该用第一人称.2.这里是过去时,所以"goes for a work "就不合适,而且拼写有错误,应该为"went for a walk".3.是狗走失了而不是人走失,所以你"he was lost"的逻辑主语搞错了,应改为"hi...