求英文好的人帮忙改一下作文,论题为男人和女人谁该多做一些家务和带孩子.我的论点是女人Theoreticallyspeaking,itisequallyacceptableformenandwomentostayhaveandtakecareofthechildren,butinmyopinion,

Question

求英文好的人帮忙改一下作文,论题为男人和女人谁该多做一些家务和带孩子.我的论点是女人
Theoretically speaking ,it is equally acceptable for men and women to stay have and take care of the children,but in my opinion,There is a distance between ideality and reality.There never was an absolute justice,we should konw this and accept it.I have to say,in my opinoin,women should do the major of house work and looking baby for most time.Though in the modern society women also have many jobs and their own career,but because of being a mother,they were born konwing more about baby and they are more carefully than men in daily life.Sometimes it's ridiculous for a man to look for a baby,I don't mean this "job" is awful but it will troubles a lot,as I know,most "dady" made things go bad ,and at the end,mothers even did more than before.it really matters a lot,doesn't it?To be honest,Being a men,we do earn more than women,we have to be responsible for our home ,our career,our familiers we had so much to do and we have to face kinds of problem,I don't think we are perfect enough to take all things on our shoulders,we have a saying like this,"there must be a great woman behind for each successful man " we do need not only their support.but their actions.
In one word,I just want to say,a family is not just a house we live together,but a palce we build our love!so ,more understanding,more forgiving

Answer 1

看了一哈,我就随便说两句吧.我是搞数学的不妥之处谅解.
1.开头的it is equally acceptable for men and women to stay have,我总觉得men or women(即and改成or)顺口点,你的stay have是不是stay home?
2.I have to say,in my opinoin,women should do……,总觉得前面有个in my opinoin了,这里又来一个in my opinoin有种重复感觉.就说I have to say women should do……,或I want to say women should do……
3.就接着上面说的句后面,即women should do the major of house work and looking baby for most time,major是形容词,就直接major house work啦,去掉of吧;后面looking baby似有不妥,照顾小孩应用短语look after,前面的动词do就没有用ing形式,这里look也不用吧.我觉得most time前面加个the顺口点,感觉而已.
4.接下来,你那句but because of being a mother,they were born konwing more about baby……,你想说的是女人作为母亲,天生就比男人更会照料小孩,天生的或注定要成为的短语是be born to,所以应改为they were born to konw more about baby……
5.Sometimes it's ridiculous for a man to look for a baby,这句又是“照料”这个短语,look for是寻找,应look after.
6.第六个不敢乱说,但我总感觉I don't mean this "job" is awful but it will troubles a lot这句,will改成would好听些,两者区别一时我也说不出来.
7.第6点后面跟着的as I know,你是另一句开头了,as前面是点号,as大写As.
8.跟着句子后面来了个“,and at the end,”,我认为应该改为in the end,最后的意思,in the end 相当于 at last,finnaly,是副词.at the end通常后边要跟上其它成分,即完整的形式是:at the end of sth,意思是"在...的末尾,在...结束的时候".
9.继续看走,你“mothers even did more than before”,你全篇用的是现在式,我认为那个did改为do吧.
10.继续看走,跟着的“it really matters a lot”,it大写为It
11.继续看走,“To be honest,Being a men,”坦率诚恳地说,作为一个男人,作为“一个”男人,应该与men矛盾,你后面用的是women,那men不动,我认为去掉a吧.
12.our home ,our career,our familiers的“家庭”单词打错,应families.families后加点句号,后面跟着的we大写.
13.继续看走,你的we have to face kinds of problem,“kinds of”是各种各样的,那问题烦恼应该多,所以problem加s用复数.
14.继续看走,你的perfect enough to take all things on our shoulders,我总觉得all things中加个the,即all the things.
15.继续看走,后面跟着的 we have a saying like this,我喜欢用There is a saying
16.也是我的最后了,In one word,I just want to say,我读到这里建议干脆把“I just want to say”删掉,上面的大段全部都是你说的,你到这里来个总之我仅仅想说,听起不舒服,建议而已,你再读一哈感觉.