托福Tpo9的独立写作,麻烦各位大侠看一下大概是什么分数,test9:Writing2--WordCount:472DoyouagreeordisagreewiththestatementTechonologyhaasmadechildrenlesscreativethantheywereinthepast.Intoday'ssociety,peopleare

Question

托福Tpo9的独立写作,麻烦各位大侠看一下大概是什么分数,
test9:Writing 2--Word Count:472
Do you agree or disagree with the statement
Techonology haas made children less creative than they were in the past.
In today's society,people are taking great advantage of modern technology.With public transportation,the latest fashion is just few minutes' away.At leisure time,hundreds of people who will stay at home,watch television,play computer games,chat on the Internet,enjoying the convience provided by techonology.Some children even use infromation obtained from the Internet to do homework,pleasing their teacher by showing how creative and innovatice they are.However,in my point of view,techonolog actually has made children less creative than they were in the past.
First,Since a lot of innovative ideas can be achieved from the Internet within a few seconds,children are usually unwilling to think themselves.Copying and pasting,a creative-thinking assignment will be easily done.Take my classmate,Jim,as an example.Jim is always praised by our teacher for his creativity and effiency in his homework.Solar-powered paper cars,automatical talking robots,etc..These amazing ideas suprise us a lot.However,everytime Jim takes an exam,all his innovation disappers.All he can do is to recite what the textbook says.'Where have all these suprising ideas gone?'I once asked him,'Well,they're not mine,I get them on the Internet.Thanks to technology,I look creative and innovative.'The most terrible thing is that Jim is not the only one.Many other students who rely on the Internet also do bad in the exam.It is the Internet,a production of technology,make children lazy to think and become less creative.
Secondly,many child tend to search on the Internet for the project they are doing,and as soon as they find a better one,they will feel embarrassed about their original ones,replacing it with the more creative one offered by the Internet.Had there haven't excited the Internet,children would have thought by themselves and created a better one on their own.An example of my cousin can perfectly demonstrate it.Once he was asked by his teacher to design a model can,which must be eco-friendly.He used to design a car powered by alchoho.However,as soon as he found a better one-a car powered by organic remains,he soon replaced it with his own one.Though he got an A for his design,I still felt sorry for him.For the most creative design he have was not his,but the Internets.The Internet actually limits our thoughts to few fields.
In a nutshell,with much reliance on techonolgy,students tend to become lazy,start to copy,and what' s more,their thoughts will be limited to a few fields,unabling to be creative but feel unconfident.Therefore,I'd like to emphasize that techonology has made children less creatice than they were in tha past and we should use techonology in a proper and adequate way.

Answer 1

我考过托福,writing 30,这里简单给你提几个意见：1、字数不错,一般能打到450左右的文章文辞不太差的话都能上4分,INTEGRATED上300的话写作不会下25.但是你考试时也能打这么多.2、结构要改进,第一段观点陈述不要少于引言或让步,你应该简要的把分论点写出来,indicating the organization of the essay.还有两个分论点字数不要相差太大,最好可以的话写三个分论点.3、两个理由貌似没有很大的差别啊,科技包括很多,不要只谈INTERNET.4、要仔细检查,语法错误很多啊.5、例子很详细,赞.但也可以说些别的,不仅仅只是生活中见到的.比如编一些survey之类的
综上所述这篇文章大概22-25吧