英语自我介绍,望达人纠错指正,不甚感激.Goodmorning,teachers,Iamgladtobehereforthisinterview.Firstletmeintroducemyself,mynameisZhangYuanbo,23yearsold.IstudiedinjiangnanUniversity.Itoffersmeachancetodevelopmy

Question

英语自我介绍,望达人纠错指正,不甚感激.
Good morning,teachers,I am glad to be here for this interview.
First let me introduce myself,my name is ZhangYuanbo,23 years old.
I studied in jiangnan University.It offers me a chance to develop my abilities.During my college years,
I learned a lot .
I am no one special,just a common man with common thoughts.
I think about life.I think about human.I think everything arround me.
Two things fill the mind with ever-increasing wonder and awe,the more often and the more intensely the mind of thought is drawn to them:the starry heavens above me and the moral law within me.
Philosophy is interesting.I love it.
I am looking forward to my postgraduate studies and life.Thank you for giving me such a valuable
opportunity!
OK.That's all.

Answer 1

1.First let me introduce myself,my name is ZhangYuanbo,23 years old.
应加上主语 I'm 23years old.
2.I studied in jiangnan University.It offers me a chance to develop my abilities.During my college years,I learned a lot .
I studied in jiangnan University.It provided me with opportunities to gain abilities.I've learned a lot during the college time.
3,I am no one special,just a common man with common thoughts.
I'm not a special man and just have common thoughts.
4.Two things fill the mind with ever-increasing wonder and awe,the more often and the more intensely the mind of thought is drawn to them:the starry heavens above me and the moral law within me.
fill 改成filling
drawn to改成drawing to
5.think about life.I think about human.I think everything arround me.
最后一个也该是与前部分一致 think about
6.Philosophy is interesting.I love it.
句子结构太简单 对于面试我个人认为没有突出特长
I love Philosophy ,though many people think it's too difficult,I find it interesting.That's what i differ from others.
7.建议最后加上一句 .Thanks for your listening.