（参祥以下内容有什么毛病没有,April6,2007P.O.Box3zhongshanUniversityguangzhou,China510000DearSir／Madame,WithreferencetoyouradvertisementinGuangzhouDailyforSurgeon,Irespectfullyoffermyselfforthepost.Ihavebeense

Question

（参祥以下内容有什么毛病没有,
April 6,2007
P.O.Box 3
zhongshan University
guangzhou,China 510000
Dear Sir／Madame,
With reference to your advertisement in Guangzhou Daily for Surgeon,I respectfully offer myself for the post.
I have been serving for over 5 years in Guangdong Provincial People's Hospital.
So I must to say that I have long been hopeful of working for your hospital after graduation,I am sure that I have the privilege of serving in your hospital,I will greatly increase my experience and my education.
I hope to have the pleasure of your granting me an interview.
I am enclosing a personal data sheet which I think will adequately show you my qualifications.
Sincerely,
Li Ping
（第二段）：
Li Ping
Tel:[phone]
Add:No.29 Guangsan Road,Tianhe District,Guangzhong
PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE
EDUCATION
Jan.1996 :
Sun Yat-sen University,Guangzhou,China
M.D.
February 1992:
Sun Yat-sen University,Guangzhou,China ,
Master of Medicine.
PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE
1997-present:
First Affiliated Hospital of Sun Yat-sen University

Answer 1

不敢说自己是高手,只是提供一些参考意见.
"I respectfully offer myself for the post."我刚查了才知道原来post也有“职位”的意思,但是感觉总是怪怪的,总觉得用"position"会比较自然.如果想让语气看上去更尊敬的话可以把这句写成"I would like to ..."的形式.
"I have been serving for over 5 years in Guangdong Provincial People's Hospital."
首先,这句话没有写明自己的职位,可以用"I have been serving as a/an ...in Guangdong Provincial People's Hospital for over 5 years."
其次,以自我介绍来说这句似乎太短了一些,不能很好的体现自己的专业水平.可以适当增加一些关于自己学历的内容,比如"As shown in the attached document,I got my degree of ...（学位） in Sun Yat-sen University in ...（年份）"之类的,不用怕跟第二段的简历重复,相反这样还能起到着重指出的作用.
"So I must to say that I have long been hopeful of working for your hospital after graduation"
这一句感觉有些突兀,如果能在这句前面加上一两句对这个医院的赞赏的语句看上去会比较合理.不加的话开头的"so"就可以去掉,因为这里没有明确的因果关系."must to say"的语气有点过强,建议用"would like to say"；"long"可以去掉；"hopeful of working for"可以改成"looking forward to work for"；另外这里用"after graduation"有点怪怪的,用"for a long time/for many years"似乎会更自然一些.
"that I have the privilege of"这里用"privilege"想表达的意思是什么?"I will greatly increase my experience and my education."这句没有错,但表达上有点怪怪的,反正这一句想表达的是自己的收获,同招聘单位没有直接联系,所以就算去掉也没什么影响的.
"I hope to have the pleasure of your granting me an interview."（It would be my pleasure if you granting me an interview.）纯粹个人意见,原句完全没问题.
"I am enclosing a personal data sheet which I think will adequately show you my qualifications."这里没必要用"which I think...",可以直接说"...sheet showing my academic qualification and professional experience"
我印象中书信格式最后署名应该是：
Yours
Sincerely,
XXX
（仅供参考）
第二段最后的"PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE"部分,也建议加上自己的现任职务.