帮忙修改下一篇英语演讲稿,第一次写,没经验,诚恳求指导!不要是简单的改错或者修改句式什么的,希望能够提一些具体的建议,指出还存在的不足.Goodmorning,ladiesandgentlemen.It’smyhonortobehere

Question

帮忙修改下一篇英语演讲稿,第一次写,没经验,诚恳求指导!
不要是简单的改错或者修改句式什么的,希望能够提一些具体的建议,指出还存在的不足.
Good morning,ladies and gentlemen.It’s my honor to be here to express my opinions.When I was a little girl,spring festival represented the most important day in one year.Because I could (have the most delicious feast with all of my families,watch beautiful fireworks,and of course,) get the pocket money (which was my crucial source of my whole year finance.) Well,I am just joking.Actually traditional customs used to impact me a lot.However,in recent years,the annual taste has grown weaker and weaker which results from the development of Chinese culture.Cultural diversity or cultural integration,it’s a temporary heated dispute.
In my opinion,cultural diversity is what we should stick to.After the policy of reform and opening up,China is on her way to becoming a multicultural country which means a country where different cultures can interact and communicate with each other.As a result of the wave of globalization,cultural communication is absolutely necessary.It is known to all that isolation brought nothing but great hurt and insult.
More than understanding the necessity of cultural diversity,considering how to develop Chinese culture is everyone’s responsibility.As a Chinese old saying goes:Select the essence and discard the dross.We ought to respond to foreign culture with this concept in that not all of them are suitable to China.Anyway,different cultures are based on different histories.We can’t apply foreign cultural system thoroughly to China without carefully consideration.Furthermore,Chinese should make efforts to protect our own essential cultures.Only in this way,can we keep the identity of “the descents of the dragon”.On the contrary,if all the cultures come to integration,no more nations will exist and similarities will be scattered everywhere.So horrible!
Now,I am a mature young adult; I love both spring festival and Christmas.Cultural diversity is our principle to insist on.Although it remains a long way to go,we can’t never back down and the bright future is always waiting for us!I hope my speech has given you some idea.That’s all.Thank you!

Answer 1

我觉得你开头有点不好.It’s my honor to be here to express my opinions之后应该直接先陈述你的演讲主题,再用你的个人经历引入话题,换句话说,看了你第一段觉得你的主题不够清晰明确,你的主题是 cultural diversity可是开头根本没有提到.所以最好一开始就平铺直叙,不然看了你的演讲稿开头,还不知所云,不能抓住大家的注意力.还有你的body部分说的都是一些陈述的话,比较大而空,多用用例子,可以对比一下不同国家过新年的方式,这样演讲更生动页更直观.结尾还不错,没觉得要改太多.