求SAT作文评分和修改!is there always another point of viewA coin has two sides.A “however” does exist all the time.Everything has its benefits and its drawbacks.Some times we are more likely to be impressed by the negative influence,such a

Question

求SAT作文评分和修改!is there always another point of view
A coin has two sides.A “however” does exist all the time.Everything has its benefits and its drawbacks.Some times we are more likely to be impressed by the negative influence,such as frustration,and neglect the positive facet.The “however” reminds me of a great man in the field of science,Alfred Bernhard Nobel.
Nobel held 355 different patents,dynamite is the most famous.And the birth of dynamite cost Nobel a lot.Before 1867,people used nitroglycerin which has a poor stability as explosive.It caused many deaths of workers every year.In order to protect people’s safety,Noble tried his best to make some improvement on the basis of nitroglycerin.Then,he buried himself into experiments day and night.
Out of everybody’s expectation,the path to success is extremely rugged.The experiments are out-and-out nightmares.Once his lab was blew up,not only he himself was injured,but many of his assistants died,including his dear brother.His neighbours are so scared that they alienated him and gradually moved away.Even the government started to forbid him from doing experience.Without any support,Noble still didn’t submit to the dreadful situation,made up his mind to get the achievement instead.Placing the lab on the Malaren Lake,Noble continued to find the root where problems occurred.He changed the primacord and used Hg(ONC)2 to make the primer.Finally,the Malaren Lake became the witness of his success,the pavement of his persistence,courage and merit of exploring.
If Noble had not gone through the experiments and met the crippling consequence,he could not gain so much information about the product in order to get a better solvement.If it was’t the grief about his relatives’ deaths and the objection of the neighbours and government,he wouldn’t become so aggressive to finish the research,the dynamite wouldn’t be invented,numbers of deaths caused by low-security emplosive would keep increasing,and all the previous efforts would be turned to nothing.So,value is not found only in success.Difficulties can’t be the stumbling stone.Failure,if one learns from it,can lead to accomplishment.

Answer 1

有点小拼写语法错误,楼主看看事态就可以了,譬如 NUMBER of deaths caused by low-security (换volatile) EXPLOSIVES would HAVE KEPT increasing.其他的就不一一列举了,如果楼主有时间,可以适当换一些SAT词进去,考官赞.
大问题,你用的论点有微微偏题,如果你GENERALIZATION结尾写好了还可以瞒天过海,但是你的总结更扯.我觉得你现在写的是这个题目和perseverance题目的中间.在Nobel still didn't submit to the dreadful situation 左右就应该把题目和Nobel联系起来了,切记要刻刻联系题目,这样会让你的文章显得（是啊,显得）结构一致流畅.Try "made up his mind to accomplish what he had set out to do.Nobel did not dwell on the plethora of vitriolic crticisms he had received from the public,but instead kept his eyes on the goal and solely the goal --- of inventing a safer explosive.Nobel viewed the difficulties as merely testaments to the greatness of his mission,and faced it head on; whereas others with a less determination and optimistic view might have simply gave up.Placing..." 你的witness of his success,pavement of his persistence 写得很好啊,体现出你深厚的文学功底.
你最后一段,关于Nobel的是说到他成功了,但是强调 "another view" 为原因不够,适当改改.最后那一句So,value is not.偏题.Try "Nobel is but one of the many people that embodies the truth that there is always another view to situations.In Nobel's case,optimism and determination transformed obstacles to encouragement.In life,this notion can also be seen frequently,where the point of view determines the results long before the effects of effort.As Henry Ford once said:"Whether you think you can or you think you can't,you are right."
望楼主心想事成!