求指点批改作文!WealthandHealthAsfarasthetopic"WeathandHealth"isconcerned,peoplemayhavedifferentopinions,andweathandhealthmayhavedifferentmeaningstodifferentpeople.Somepeoplethinkthatmoneyiseverything.Iftheyhav

Question

求指点批改作文!
Wealth and Health
As far as the topic "Weath and Health " is concerned,people may have different opinions,and weath and health may have different meanings to different people.
Some people think that money is everything.If they have money,they can do anything what they want to do,and they can buy anything they want such as big house,beautiful clothes,cool car and so on.They can even travel all over the world.However,they don't consider that if they don't have a good body,how can they do those things?
On the other hand,others believe that health is the most important thing.If they have health,they can do anything happily and they can have a happy life.What's more,they think that they can earn more money with a good body than those who are poor in health.When they earn more money,they can do more things with health and wealth.
In my opinion,health is everything.Before doing anything,you must have a good body first.Only if you are healthy,you can do other things happily and make more wealth.

Answer 1

Your city caught my eyes. I was in your city last Oct. Let's see if we can do this essay together.
First paragarph
Suggestion: Different people have different ideas about whether wealth is more important than health. The meanings of wealth and health also varies to each of us.
Second paragarph
Suggestions: Many people often equate wealth to amount of money they have and how much their equity worth in market value. They consider having money gives them the freedom of doing anything. Some people want to own big houses, designer clothing, fancy cars and many more. Some people want to travel around the world. However, these people forget that without good health and bodies with good endurance, they cannot travel far and wide. They also cannot fully enjoy their luxury homes, clothes and cars without good health.
Third paragarph
Suggestion: Others believe that health is the most important thing. They believe that with good health, they can have enjoyable and happy life. Furthermore, they can reach their earning potential better than people with poor health. This higher earning power then allows a better life. This acquired better life could also be enjoyed fully with a better health.
Last paragarph
Suggestion: In my opinion, one's health is everything. Health allows you to have true freedom to realize your desire. One can enjoy life better and making more wealth only if one is healthy.
Note: I tried to preserve your style of writing and essay construction.