雅思小作文批改（剑5test1）Thegraphillustratesthedramaticcomparisonoftheproportionofthepopulationaged65andoverduringtheperiodfrom1940to2040in3countries.Whenitcomestojapan,itsproportionstartedintheyearof194

Question

雅思小作文批改（剑5test1）
The graph illustrates the dramatic comparison of the proportion of the population aged 65 and over during the period from 1940 to 2040 in 3 countries.
When it comes to japan,its proportion started in the year of 1940 in a position from 5% to approximate 3% until 1960,followed by a stable tendency before restarting to the original level in the year of 2000.
In view of Sweden and USA,which demonstrate a constantly increasing movement,started itself from 7% and 9% to 16% and 14% for each during the same period as the first country.
It is worth mentiong that the expected proportions in 3 countries are blessed with a noticeable climbing ,especially Japan ,which ascend sharply to 27% in the last 2 decades.As to the other countries,Sweden and USA all experience moderate increase in the last 2 decades,hitting 25% and 24% respectively,although sweden suffer from a little fluctuation in the year from 2000 to 2020.
拼写错误忽略

Answer 1

The graph illustrates the dramatic comparison of the population proportion aged 65 and over from year 1940 to 2040 in three countries.
In Japan, it's population proportion started in the year of 1940 at a tendency of going from 5% to approximate 3% in 1960, followed by a stable trend before restarting to the original level in year 2000.

In view of Sweden and USA, which both countries demonstrate a constantly increasing movement of the population, started itself from 7% and 9% to 16% and 14% respectively during the same period as Japan.

It is worth mention that the expected proportions in three countries, especially Japan are blessed with a noticeable rising of population, which raised sharply to 27% over the last two decades. As to the other countries, Sweden and USA have all experienced a moderate increase in population by hitting to 25% and 24% each, although Sweden suffered from a little turbulence in years from 2000 to 2020.
楼主英文水平很好,接近西方的结构写作,但语法稍微注意一下,有个别词汇还是要了解一下运用的方法,（英文同义单词很多,但写作时每个都有不同的用途）.还有尽量不要写数字,像 3 countries 要写成 three countries 看起来会比较正式一点.
我尽量改的都改了,也不会是完全对,只给LZ一个参考.