请高手帮我看下这篇托福独立作文能得几分五分满分希望能帮我分析的透彻一点怎么改进急我很快就要考了现在该做什么复习工作Inpresent-daysociety,peopleliveintheapartmentsorthecommunities,

Question

请高手帮我看下这篇托福独立作文能得几分 五分满分
希望能帮我分析的透彻一点 怎么改进 急 我很快就要考了 现在该做什么复习工作
In present-day society, people live in the apartments or the communities, consequently, kind of special social communication-neighborhoods have come to our life. As a Chinese metaphor says “ A far dwelling relative is not as good as a nearby neighbor.” Apparently we can see the importance of a good neighbor. And now I will illustrate a couple of qualities should a superior neighbor have in the following paragraphs.
Respecting and understanding may be the most crucial qualities which a good neighbor should acquire. Basically, they are the fundamental qualities in social communication. Let us assume that if your neighbors even do not respect you, how can you get along with them? A friend of mine has suffered this. His neighbor quarreled with him almost everyday due to some tiny things and they often make a lot of noise when my friend really need some sleep. What a terrible life he has!
Respecting your privacy, obviously, is another important quality your neighbor should have in this day and age. Actually, your neighbor has a very close relationship with you so that some of your private information may find their way to the ears of your neighbors. It is scared that they released your information such as your phone call number or your cars’ number to people who may jeopardize you.
You certainly want to obtain a warm-hearted and thoughtful neighbor rather than an aloof man.
People will get into troubles in any time, in some cases, a generous help from your neighbor may have an overwhelmingly positive effect on you. I have read an article in china daily which described a man who had saved his neighbors in a severe earthquake. Without his help people would definitely be buried under the ground.
All the above factors contribute to be the good qualities of neighbors. To all of us, we should try our best to acquire these qualities and treat our neighbors well so that they will cherish the good relationship between us and finally we obtain more and more brilliant neighbors around us.

Answer 1

1.语法错误太多.包括最基本的单复数,时态动词变换,介词,冠词,连词错误.同时,一些动词的使用不恰当.
2.从结构上讲,文章条理不够清晰,不够analytical,很多论点混在一起.缺乏说服力.
要想多得分,切忌犯最基本的语法错误.需要加强英语基本功.如果自己仔细一点,是可以避免很多.
关于结构,可以看看toefl高分作文.动笔之前,建议你花1分钟列出你的Statement,2到3个arguments和最后的Conclusion.
Toefl作文是八股文,不要试图创新.如果时间允许,可以背几篇范文.照猫画虎的文章往往得高分