托福独立作文,这篇能的多少分?Massmedia,asanindispensablepartofpeople’slifeespeciallyinmodernworld,hasbeenexertingunmatchableimpactonbothindividual’slifeandallaspectsofthesociety,intermsoftheissuethatchil

Question

托福独立作文,这篇能的多少分?
Mass media,as an indispensable part of people’s life especially in modern world,has been exerting unmatchable impact on both individual’s life and all aspects of the society,in terms of the issue that children/students spent too much time on watching TV,it should be recognized that all negative outcomes are not exactly caused by TV itself.As far as I’m concerned,the merits students acquire from TV outweigh demerits.
First of all,watching TV will not necessarily distract a student from study.In other words,students cannot concentrate on their study mainly because of the lack of self-discipline,instead of spending time on watching TV.Therefore,with a balance between the time spent one study and the one on relaxation,students’ school performance will not be affected.For example,according recent research,only the students who spare the majority of their free time encountered a score drop in exams.
Besides,watching TV,to some extent,promotes one’s academic performance by providing relaxation and recreation.Since/for/because academic study usually involves enormous stress and pressure,under which all participants need find a vent to release their pressure.Watching TV,as an effective approach of entertainment,can undoubtedly provide certain means of balance.For instance,it can hardly imagine a so-called whole-hearted jerk can achieve any brilliance in his/her future.Usually,a man with promising future has a lot of hobbies and interests besides study.
Furthermore,students can also learn a lot from/via mass media.Comparing with traditional media in past,combined with modern science and technology as well as civilized ideology,mass media in modern society is no longer a mere way of amusement,but a comprehensive access to both information and knowledge.That is to say,student can obtain acquire enormous knowledge accompanying joys.For instance…
To sum up,television is a great invent,isn’t it?
忽略其中的拼写错误、谢谢、、
最后一段去掉
用5分标准改多少分？

Answer 1

咳咳.感觉25~26分左右,我觉得你的遣词造句有点flowery,有时候简明扼要的语言反而更好,而且结尾比较仓促,是不是来不及了0 0
4分左右,你有不错的英语功底,但是感觉有些生硬,建议多看看英语杂志,学习一下里面流畅的表达方式