雅思书信作文,请帮忙看看,并修改AssumethatyouwishtostudyinEngland,writealetterofinquirybasedonyourinterests.Askwhatkindofclubsthereareattheuniversity,andwhatistheprocedureforjoiningthem.DearSir,IamaChine

Question

雅思书信作文,请帮忙看看,并修改
Assume that you wish to study in England,write a letter of inquiry based on your interests.Ask what kind of clubs there are at the university,and what is the procedure for joining them.
Dear Sir,
I am a Chinese citizen who wishes to study at your university.My plan is start my course next term.However,I would like to join clubs based on my interests,so I would be grateful if you would be so kind as to provide me with certain essential information.
First,what kinds of clubs are there at the university?I am interested in climbing,and I wonder if there are any climbing club requirements.If so,could you tell me how to get the qualification of becoming a climbing club membership?Second,how much is the fees when I joining in the club,is there any possible discount for me?I expect you could consider my membership I have been in china and give me a permit to assess the club without any agreement,and also,give me some discount to some extent.Third,could I ask you what I need to supply when I applying the climbing club membership?I hope all the procedure is not inconvenient.
I look forward to your reply,and to attending your esteemed institution and your climbing club.
Yours sincerely,
Jane

Answer 1

改过的了
Dear Sir,
I am a Chinese student who wish to study at this university.I am planning to start my courses in next term.However,I would like to join some clubs based on my interests,and I would be grateful if you would provide the essential information for me.
First,what kinds of clubs are there at the university?I am interested in mountain climbing,so I wondered if there is any climbing club requirement.If so,could you tell me how to get the qualification of becoming a climbing club member?Second,how much is the fees when I join in the club,is there any possible discount for me?I expect you could consider my membership that I have been in china and give me a permit to assess the club without any agreement,and also,give me some discount to some extent.Third,can you tell me what I need to submit when I apply to the climbing club?I hope all the procedure is not inconvenient.
I am looking forward your reply,and to attending the esteemed institution and the climbing club.
Yours sincerely,
Jane
注意,学校不是他开的,你为什么总用go to your university这样的短语呢?
还有就是语气最好再婉转点,毕竟是你有求于人家.