求批改雅思大作文！帮我看看能得多少分，明天就考试了！谢谢！DetaileddescriptionofcrimesonnewspaperandTVcanhavebadconsequencesonsociety,sothiskindofinformationshouldberestrictedonmedia.Towhatextent

Question

求批改雅思大作文！帮我看看能得多少分，明天就考试了！谢谢！ Detailed description of crimes on newspaper and TV can have bad consequences on society, so this kind of information should be restricted on media. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Nowadays, whether media should report the details of crimes arouses controversy. Some individuals think it has adverse impact on society. This argument may be true. As the detailed description makes more people understand how to commit a crime, it may motivate some potential criminals to repeat these acts. Reporting the details of crimes may increase the crime rate to some extent. In addition, the media such as newspapers and TV has wide influence on general public as well as teenagers. It fails to take into account the fact that teenagers have not shaped complete moral values so that it is hard for them to distinguish right from wrong. As a result, they may imitate those details for curiosity, which will cause juvenile delinquency. However, the detailed description raising people’s awareness of prevention is not unfounded. It is an efficient method teaching people how a criminal implements misdeed to prevent some crimes from happening. For instance, if people learn how thieves stolen their money and mobile phones from their pockets or bags, they can protect their poverty effectively. By contrast, this information on media is typically negative news for parents to teach their children what is wrong and how to protect themselves. Accordingly, the teenagers will

Answer 1

6-6.5分。
如果你这篇作文是在40分钟之内完成、没有看过任何Idea方面的提示、没有老师的指导，并且没查单词没修改的情况下完成的。那么你的考场作文，只要审题准确，不会低于6分的。
你这篇作文的前三句话都是短句，这种情况应该避免，考官曾经给出过这样的评语“ the many short, simple sentences tend to limit the range”（剑8 P166），这说明过多的短句会限制文章的得分。此外，文章的最后“by contrast, this information on media is typically negative news for parents to teach their children waht is wrong and how to protect themselves”有点难以理解。By contrast 的意思是相比之下，对比之下，有轻微转折的意思。用了这个词之后，需要表达与上文相对或相反的观点。用在这里不太合适。
还有，你的结尾怎么不完整呢，是不是没有发上来？
如果结尾偏差不是太大，并且字数够了的话，6.5分应该有的。如果遇到苛刻的考官，给6分也是有可能的。不过恕我直言，看你这篇作文的水平，在考场上拿7几乎是不可能的。