雅思+大作文（生活类）+要考试了求高手回答题目Somepeopleenjoychanges,andtheylookforwardtonewexperiences.Othersliketheirlivestostaythesame,andtheydonotchangetheirusualhabits.Whichapproachdoyouprefer?作

Question

雅思+大作文（生活类）+要考试了求高手回答
题目
Some people enjoy changes, andthey look forward to new experiences. Others like their lives to stay the same,and they do not change their usual habits.
Which approach do you prefer?
作文
Huge changes are taking place in this day and age. Those guys who are lookingforward to new experiences enjoy the changes, while, others who do not like tochange their usual habits prefer to stay the same. As for me, I prefer to havechanges which would bring us marvelous and unforgettablefeelings in our daily life.
Staying the same may pose a threat to us. On one hand, traditional rules wouldalways keep the same, which is boring and negative to us. Life without changesjust likes the birds without wings. Everything keeps the same track, and we cannotmake any breakthrough and even modify some things that are incorrect. On theother hand, we cannot make any progress during our everyday life withoutchanging. Creative ideas and critical thinking are frequently coming out fromthe changes which challenge to the traditions.
Changes can bring us vast advantages andbenefits which are given as follows. Firstly, our life would be colorful andenergetic with some changes. Since most of us are too ordinary to have some achievements,hard working would be finally paid by some changes which are equal to prizesand success. Secondly, changes would lead us to a new world. In the longhistory, there are mainly two different stages which are short for financialworld and harmonious world. Owing to the changes, we come to the financialworld which gives us great fortunes as well as the environmental problems, andthe matters which are confronted in the first stage are solved in theharmonious world.
In conclusion, changes would bring usgreat convenience and show a complete new world to us. Without changes, ourlife would be similar to a pond of dead water.

Answer 1

guy和as for 是比较口语化的，不要出现在雅思写作中
文章主题段主题句和论证有问题，你的第一句是 Staying the same may pose a threat to us.你想想你的论证有没有证明这一点。主题段的句间衔接不明显，traditional rules wouldalways keep the same, which is boring and negative to us. Life without changesjust likes the birds without wings. Everything keeps the same track, and we cannotmake any breakthrough and even modify some things that are incorrect. 这几句是怎么连接起来的呢？雅思写作很注重句间逻辑关系，和中文写作不一样。还有，你的最后一句a pond of dead water你觉得老外能看懂吗