请帮我改一篇托福作文,Doyouagreeordisagreewiththefollowingstatement?Lettingafriendmakeamistakeisbetterthansayingordoingsomethingthatmaydestroyyourfriendship.Makingsomemistakesareevitablelyineverybody'sdailyli

Question

请帮我改一篇托福作文,
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Letting a friend make a mistake is better than saying or doing something that may destroy your friendship.
Making some mistakes are evitablely in everybody's daily life.We usually meet a problem that what we should do if our friends make some mistakes,saying or doing something or letting he make the mistake?In my opinion,I prefer to saying or doing something to help him than let him keep going on it,even though it may destroy our friendship.
First and foremost,to be a friend,honesty is the most improtant character in ous friendship.I thought I should take my responsibility to remind my friend when he make a mistake if I want to have a deep and lasting friendship.Real friendship would not be destroyed by sincere advise.For instance,I have a friend named Alex in high school.When I see he making some mistakes,such as a wrong position in playing basketball,having a bee in his head in class,I will point it out directly and outspokenly,so does he.This never destory our friendship,because we all know our suggestions is sincere.
Besides,it is beneficial for ous friends to know their mistake and then correct it,that is the reason why they can improve themselves.A proverb says,"A history of yesterday is the best mirror of the tomorrow." If they don't know their mistake,how can they correct it and complement theirselves.In retrospect of my life,I have a friend named Mahiko who is my neighbor,he spend most of his time on computer games and igore his study.I know it is harmful to his.Hence,I asked him to leave the game and come back to his real life but he rejected.In the end,he almost isolated to real world and addicted in the computer games,and this devastate his family and his future.I always think that if I had insisted on helping him,maybe the end would change.
Consequently,if I have a real friendship with someone,I won’t ignore his mistake and I will point it out.I think that is the real mean of friendship.For above rensons,I don’t agree this statement.

Answer 1

你的英语作文水平很不错.但总的印象是写的过于冗长,不精练.用英文写作文,与用汉语写文章一样,要简明干练,句子要短,意思要明确.另外,要仔细检查,用词和句子不要错.
试改第一段如下：
Making mistakes are inevitable in everybody's daily life.However,we often meet a dilemma when our friends make some mistakes.Should we say or do something to prevent him,or just let he go on?On this occation I prefer saying or doing something to keeping silent,even though it may destroy our friendship.