2010四川高考英语作文题目：假定你校将举行一个成人仪式,你将作为代表在仪式上发言.请你按以下内容要点准备一篇英文发言稿.1.过去对成年的向往；2.现在的感受和认识；3.将来的目标及措

Question

2010四川高考英语作文
题目：
假定你校将举行一个成人仪式,你将作为代表在仪式上发言.请你按以下内容要点准备一篇英文发言稿.
1.过去对成年的向往；
2.现在的感受和认识；
3.将来的目标及措施.
参考词汇：责任 responsibility
注意：1.词数100左右；2.可以适当增加细节,使行文连贯；3.发言稿的开头与结束语已为你写好（不计入总词数）
我的作文：
Good morning, everyone!
The topic of my speech today is "Thoughts on becoming a grown-up".
Since I was an innocent child, I have been longing for adulthood. With my mental development, my desire to turn into an adult grows stronger and stronger. Besides, what I have been dreaming of are the freedom and independence I would have if I were an adult.
At present, as I'll become a grown-up soon, it occurs to me that growing up not only means gaining freedom but also requires taking up more responsibilities. Therefore, in order to meet the requirements, I'm determined to develop a strong sense of responsibility, for which I plan to participate in more social activities and lead a busy but colorful life.
Thank you for listening.
同上次一样,请打分并作指出不足,谢谢!
另外,问下老师,作文的卷面是不是比较重要?我有没有必要先在草稿纸上写,在抄到答题卡上?因为有时我会改动几处,在答题卡上划得有点“脏”.

Answer 1

这篇作文应该可以得到22,23 左右,写得不错.下面将修改后的发出,自己比较揣摩一下.
Good morning, everyone!
The topic of my speech today is "Thoughts on becoming a grown-up".
Since I was an innocent child, I have been constantly longing for adulthood. With the development of my intelligence, my desire to turn into an adult grows increasingly strong. Besides, what I have been dreaming of is the freedom and independence I would have were I an adult.
At present, as I'll become a grown-up soon, it occurs to me that growing up not only means gaining more freedom but also requires taking up more responsibilities. Therefore, in order to satisfy the requirements, I'm determined to build up a strong sense of responsibility, for which I am willing to participate in more social activities and lead a busy yet colorful life.
Thank you for listening.
关于草稿问题,我认为可以列个提纲帮助思考.另外,卷面整洁很重要,想好再下笔.不要涂抹.字体不能太小,扫描后不清楚.段落要分好.