雅思作文批改Thegovernmentshouldcontroltheamountofviolenceinfilmsandontelevisioninordertoreducethelevelofviolentcrimeinthesociety.Doyouagreeordisagree?Nowadays,therearemanyviolentfilmsandTVprogramswhichareth

Question

雅思作文批改
The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to reduce the level of violent crime in the society.Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,there are many violent films and TV programs which are thought to be harmful for society.Therefore,some people think controlling the amount of these movies and programs is beneficial to social safety.
Indeed,violent movies and TV shows have negative effect on social safety.Being influenced on criminal films and programs for a long period,people may imitate the behavior in these films,such as murder,shooting,fighting and other types of crime.Besides,these films may promote anti-social mind,which probably generates offence of those addicted viewers.In addition,media violence may stimulate fear in some children as it frightens them.Children may shape unhealthy personality,values and beliefs when they grow up.They can become aggressive or they may lose sense of reality and fiction of what they are seeing.
However,even if government controls the amount of violence in audio-video products,criminal rate may not decrease dramatically.Many crimes result from poverty.Therefore,developing economy is one of the effective ways to solve criminal problems.Another factor of crime committed of some people is lack of law awareness.Some criminals commit a crime unknowingly because they have no idea of crime.Thus improving education of population especially law education is necessary to reduce criminal rate.What’s more,tough punishment can decrease crime rate effectively because there is a large percent of population daring not to commit crimes due to severe punishment,such as incarceration.
To sum up,government should control the violent scenes in films and TV programs to avoid their negative effect on people.However,economic development,law education and strict penalties may also have positive effect on reducing crime in society.

Answer 1

我觉得这篇应该在6分左右,原因不是写的不好,而是有些技巧上的东西还没有完全体现.第一,开篇应该把自己的观点讲出来,看你的conclusion应该是agree的,但是应该在开头就说出来,这样会比较好,一目了然.第二开头的表述有...