是否存在病句,如果有请帮忙修改.Hello,mynameisXXX.Iam12yearsold.Iwasajuniorhighschoolstudents.Ihaveadream,istolearnEnglishwell,becauseatthistimeofthetide,inadditiontoourmothertongue,Englishisthem

Question

是否存在病句, 如果有请帮忙修改.
Hello, my name is XXX. I am 12 years old. I was a junior high school students. I have a dream, is to learn English well, because at this time of the tide, in addition to our mother tongue, English is the most important language, so, I must study hard in English, to realize this dream. Thank you.

Answer 1

juior与high school不能同时存在.把HIGH SCHOOL删掉
I have a dream,which is to learn english.Because english which quite different from my mother tongue is the most imprtant english in the world.(你中间那部分...有些不通,这样用从句写吧)
So,I must study hard to realise this dream.（in English=-=这句表达的意思成了用英语这门语言,而不是学英语...)
建议：不要为了凑字数而加上一些不必要的词,或者可以一句说完的话,不要掰成两句来讲.（通俗地讲就是不要写成口水话）
短小精湛,符合逻辑,慢慢就会写得更好.
加油!