Hello,mynameisMinWen,Icomefromthirdjuniorhighschool,myhobbyisreading,extractssomegoodwordsandmakingfriends,Iamacheerfulgirl,Ihopeinthisclasscanknowmorefriends.Inthisperiodoffivedaysofmilitarytraining,Ilearneda

Question

Hello,my name is Min Wen,I come from third junior high school,my hobby is reading,extracts some good words and making friends,I am a cheerful girl,I hope in this class can know more friends.
In this period of five days of military training,I learned a lot of things.First of all,we just to the new military training up school that blundering mood,so that we can the static under heart to learn.Then,let me experience a military training hard,but also let me realize that even though the future is what setbacks,less than half of them,so should strive to survive.Finally,the friendship is and instructors.What impressed me most is the instructors and staff Han instructors season.Quaternary staff funny that we in the military training gets a lot of fun.Korea instructors strict is I learned the most basic sense,be strict with oneself.When they leave a lot of classmates was crying.Korea instructor said:" we just in your life some traveler,you must have the courage to firmly go ahead."
I believe,my future will be fearless against waves,toward the dream walk.
有没有语法错误?请指出,

Answer 1

第一句用I AM MINWEN吧 后面都是很短的短句子用逗号连接 这是错误的 要么换成句号,要么改为从句 总体感觉很混乱.