需要有人帮我看一个这个coverletter.帮我提DearMs.Flores,InresponsetotheadvertisementinthebulletinofAcademicAdvising&CareerCenterinUniversityofTorontoScarborough,pleasefindattachedresumeforthepositionofStudentCa

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需要有人帮我看一个这个cover letter.帮我提
Dear Ms.Flores,
In response to the advertisement in the bulletin of Academic Advising
& Career Center in University of Toronto Scarborough,please find attached
resume for the position of Student Case worker within Multiple Sclerosis of
Canada.I am currently a 3rd year practicing student from Specialist (Co-op)
Program in Sociology with a minor in Psychology in University of Toronto Scarborough.
If you are seeking a qualified and productive individual who looks at
challenges as opportunities to learn,then I believe I am the right person for
this position due to my enthusiasm and qualification.
Aiming at becoming a facilitative Social Worker who devotes oneself to
community work,I am highly interested in assisting,encouraging and motivating
people with diverse hardships including disability.My multiple years’
experience of volunteering in non-profit organizations and working in customer
services has strengthened my communications skills and problem-solving strategy
while interacting with diverse backgrounds people.Furthermore,through my
current education in the field of sociology,psychology,and health studies,I
have possessed solid knowledge regarding disabilities issues.Together with
this,It has always been specifically clear and significant for me that being
reliable,trustworthy,and respectful to confidentiality is top important while
working with sensitive issues,and as you expected,this is also how I am
always practicing myself in my working and volunteering experience.
In addition,I am holding strong administrative ability,
well-developed computer skills,and a clear G-class driving record.At the same
time,my energetic,extroversive and compassionate personality together with
initiative working attitude will be helpful while working as a case worker.Therefore,
I am confident with my qualities and experience.I will surpass your highest
expectations for this position,and I look forward to contributing to Multiple
Sclerosis Society of Canada.I would definitely welcome an interview at your
convenience for further discussion on my qualification.Please contact me
directly at phone***,or at email:*** to makearrangements.Thank you very much for your consideration and time.

Answer 1

原文：If you are seeking a qualified and productive individual who looks at
challenges as opportunities to learn,then I believe I am the right person for
this position due to my enthusiasm and qualification.
语法无误,但是个人不喜欢这种沟通方式,有点威胁人家的意思.这种letter一定要humble; 还有due to用的也有点奇怪.
建议：Qualified and productive,I am a challenge-seeker and always enthusastic about new opportunities.And I believe this position is one of those great yet challenge opportunities.
原文：My multiple years’ experience of volunteering in non-profit organizations and working in customer services has strengthened my communications skills and problem-solving strategy
while interacting with diverse backgrounds people.
"working in" 要去掉,
建议：My multiple years of experience in volunteering among non-profit oraganizatios and customer services has...while interaction with people with diverse backgrounds.
原文：Furthermore,through my current education in the field of sociology,psychology,and health studies,I have possessed solid knowledge regarding disabilities issues.
意思明白,但是have possesed好像又有点自大感.还有knowledge in disabilities issues.残疾人问题专家?还是解决残疾人问题的专家?
建议：...health studies,I obtained solid knowledge in assisting to the group of the disability.(对你专业不够了解,但是disbilities issues是不许要knowledge的,而是如何帮助解决,不知道我理解的对不对）
Together with this（有chinglish的影子）,It has always been specifically clear and significant for me that being reliable,trustworthy,and respectful to confidentiality is top important while
working with sensitive issues,and as you expected,this is also how I am
always practicing myself in my working and volunteering experience.
句子太长啦!and as you expected (病句哦btw）那里就可以断掉了.这句话本身就很累赘,自我销售痕迹太严重.还有,"Together with this",together with what?直接不要了.
建议：Beyond the concepts and theories,it has always been my top priority to act as a reliable and trustworthy individual,who always considers repect and deliberation being the most crucial matter while handling any sensitive issues.And these valuable qualities of mine came from my prior experience over the works and volunteerings.
In addition,I am holding strong administrative ability,well-developed computer skills,and a clear G-class driving record.
I am holding...以后就不hold了?而且这个hold ability不通 (什么是administrative ability?you mean organizing skill?)
建议：My strong adminstrative ability (暂且给你留下了),well-developed computer skills and a clear G-class driving record will surely be more supportive factors of my qualification to this position.
At the same time,my energetic,extroversive and compassionate personality together with
initiative working attitude will be helpful while working as a case worker.
这句话和前面那个什么enthusasim不是重复了?建议去掉.如果一定要留,用Meantime,at the same time很怪.
Therefore,I am confident with my qualities and experience.I will surpass your highest
expectations for this position,and I look forward to contributing to Multiple
Sclerosis Society of Canada.
不要用Therefore,搞得像八股文一样因果关系.I'm confident,surpass又有自大的痕迹了,搞得像逼人家.
With my experiences,my personal qualities and my confidency presented above,I sincerely appreciate and look forward to your consideration.
I would definitely welcome an interview at your convenience for further discussion on my qualification.Please contact me directly at phone***,or at email:*** to makearrangements.Thank you very much for your consideration and time.
和上面同样的问题.
建议：Please feel free to contact me at your convience with any question relate to this matter.
My phone is XXXX.
总体很棒,但是audience和presentation需要雕琢一下.