雅思作文批改Somepeoplethinkpollutionanddamageofenvironmentareresultedfromacountrydevelopingandbecomingricher,andthisishardtobeavoided.Towhatextentdoyouagreeordisagree?正文：Itisanundeniablefactthatacountry

Question

雅思作文批改
Some people think pollution and damage of environment are resulted from a country developing and becoming richer,and this is hard to be avoided.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
正文：It is an undeniable fact that a country’s developing should responsible for the environmental pollution,as environmental pollution is mostly resulted from industrial production -the most important industry to develop economy.However,I intend to argue that progress of human’s civilization is not necessarily at the expense of environmental damage.
The past century has witnessed that the panoply of countries realized the industrialization with no thought for the environmental protection.From 1860,the Britain Industial Revolution,the quality of air has been worse in less than 200 years than ever before.London was even called “the city of fog”.However,we are in different times now.The developing countries have the ability to make a change with advanced technology in modern times.
Firstly,due to the improvements of the technology,the efficiency of using the energy has been largely raised.Furthermore,making more use of environmental-friendly energy has also minimize the damage of the pollution.Secondly,Many waste warter treatment plants have been founded in many cities,the household garbage has been put into the incinerator and rubbish has been classified and even recycled instead of being transported to landfills directly.Thirdly,the pollution problem is attracting every person’s attention.The Kobenhavn Summit has demonstrated the determination that people from the world around are taking sigificant efforts to tackle the problems.No matter the wealth or those mired in poverty all sat in front of the table to discuss the solutions.According to the newly-amended regulations issued in the summit ,enterprises can no longer emit any harmful materials randomly.
By way of conclution,with the united efforts on such pervasive basis,I believe developing countries have no need to follow the past experiences and old habits.I suggest that developed countries provide the developing countries with aid in capital and technology,helping them inoculate the environment against the pollution at the same time of promoting the ecnonomic growth.

Answer 1

写得很好,切题,逻辑紧密,关键是风格很自然,给人一种真正在论证的感觉.句型多变,而且语法和拼写没有错误,目前 7.5分
It is an undeniable fact that a country’s developing should responsible for the environmental pollution,as environmental pollution is mostly resulted from industrial production -the most important industry to develop economy.However,I intend to argue that progress of human’s civilization is not necessarily at the expense of environmental damage.最后一句有跑题的误解
The past century has witnessed that the panoply of countries realized the industrialization with no thought for the environmental protection.From 1860,the Britain Industial Revolution,the quality of air has been worse in less than 200 years than ever before.London was even called “the city of fog”.However,we are in different times now.The developing countries have the ability to make a change with advanced technology in modern times.
Firstly,due to the improvements of the technology,the efficiency of using the energy has been largely raised.Furthermore,making more use of environmental-friendly energy has also minimize the damage of the pollution.Secondly,Many waste warter treatment plants have been founded in many cities,the household garbage has been put into the incinerator and rubbish has been classified and even recycled instead of being transported to landfills directly.Thirdly,the pollution problem is attracting every person’s attention.The Kobenhavn Summit has demonstrated the determination that people from the world around are taking sigificant efforts to tackle the problems.No matter the wealth or those mired in poverty all sat in front of the table to discuss the solutions.According to the newly-amended regulations issued in the summit ,enterprises can no longer emit any harmful materials randomly.要把分论点适度展开,不要一带而过
By way of conclution/ 关联词不用太花哨了,用 in conclusion 就可以了,with the united efforts on such pervasive basis,I believe developing countries have no need to follow the past experiences and old habits.I suggest that developed countries provide the developing countries with aid in capital and technology,helping them inoculate the environment against the pollution at the same time of promoting the ecnonomic growth.