GRE作文求点评下面是题目,和我写的文章,Wecanusuallylearnmuchmorefrompeoplewhoseviewswesharethanfrompeoplewhoseviewscontradictourown;disagreementcancausestressandinhibitlearning.Usually,wehaveperfertoacceptt

Question

GRE作文求点评
下面是题目,和我写的文章,
We can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from people whose views contradict our own;disagreement can cause stress and inhibit learning.
Usually,we have perfer to accept the view that people whose views we share could boost us learning more things,those people whose views contradict our own,will stress us and inhibit learning.It is understandable that we have these prespective,since in people's subconscious,they are always willing to accept the view that provide them.This is normal.But it is the truth?Let us to get an analysis.
These is must have positive and negative opinions when we argue an view,and as a person,we are easily to accept the positive one.Everyone hopes to get others affirmative.Be recognized can gave us an honors,encourage our confidence,inspire more enthusiasm.To this degree,the positive opinions could boost our enthusiasm.However,from another aspect,If our opinon have mistake in some details(actually,these mistake is frequent),but the opinons we get are all positive,in that way it will cover up our mistake.though these opinions active our enthusiasm,at the same time they also block to discover our shortage,so we can not get improvement.
By contrast,those doubt opinions,may looks strike people's enthusiasm.but from overall perspective,these opinions could discover our shortage,found where can be improve,thus boost our more improvement.For example,during a debate,two side both do them best to find opponent's mistake by doubtful opinions,though this method looks as run foul of each other,but through this catfight,we can find depth content in the topic.
Moreover,doubtful opinions are the keys to improve our society.Every great evolution in human history,are company doubtful opinions.for example,the invention of computer,through research to technology at that time,Von Neumann first propose the computer model based on binary system.This is a new theroy in that time,just so this theroy,construct our age even future fudemental of computer design.May be in the future will have a better concept overturn current binary system.thus build a more powerful computer.
Last,doubtful opinions are source power that conduct things trun to better direction.I think ,we must know about the product of Appple.Whether Mac Book,iPhone,iPad,the first impression of these product give us is that it have very perfect appearance,it simply an atrwork.But in the behind of these perfect,there are doubt and improvement again and again.Such the buttons in the display of apple product,have to pass discuss and revise at least dozens of times,Through these contiuneous doubt,so bring up this perfect product.
Alhrough from personal aspect,we have perfer to accept those positive opinons,but from the aspect of improve ourselves and sociey,These doubtful opinions are more valuable.

Answer 1

We can usually learn much more from people who share similar views with us than from those whose views contradict to ours Disagreement can cause stress and prevent us from learning.
Usually,we perfer to accept the view that are similar to ours and this could encourage us learning more things. In contrast, if people 's views contradict to our own, we can easily be stressed out and therefore lose the courage to learn from people.It is understandable that we have these perspectives,since in people's mind,we are always willing to accept the view that support ours. This is normal.But is it really so? Let us do some analysis.
There must have positive and negative opinions when we argue an issue. And as mankind always is,it is easier for us to accept the positive ones. Everyone hopes to get others agreed on. Being recognized by others can bring us honors, confidence, and enthusiasm.The positive opinions could raise our enthusiasm. However,what if our opinon is not fully correct? As a matter of fact we always make mistakes. But if we only accept positive oppinions that match with our view, it will cover up our mistake.Though these opinions inspire us and trigger our enthusiasm,at the same time they also blind us from our weakness;and we can not improve any more.
By contrast,those opposite opinions may discourage us for short term.But from overall perspective,these opposite opinions could expose our shortage, and make us clear on how we can improve our weakness,thus help us on our improvement.For example,during a debate,two sides both try their best to find opponent's mistakes by challenging their opinions.Though this method looks like giving hard times to one another, through this dog-fight like practice,we can develop deep content in the topic.
Moreover,opposite opinions are the keys to improve our society.Every great evolution in human history were companied by opposite opinions.For example,the invention of computer,through research to technology, at that time,Von Neumann first proposed the computer model based on binary system.This is a new theroy at that time THis theroy constructed fudemental of computer design at our age.Maybe in the future, there will be a better model that overturns the current binary system.thus build a more powerful computer.
Last,opposite opinions are source power that direct things develop better.I think we should all know about the product of Appple.Whether Mac Book,iPhone, or iPad. The first impression these product give us is that it has very perfect appearance. It is simply an atrwork.But behind these perfections,there are debates, opposite oppinions on designes which eventually lead to improvement.Such as the buttons in the display of apple product,have to pass discussions and revise at least dozens of times,Through these contiuneous disigning,denial and redisigning process ,eventually bring up this perfect product.
In conclusion, alhrough from personal aspect,we perfer to accept those positive opinons,from the aspect of improving ourselves and sociey,these opposite opinions are more valuable.
点评： 文法,句法,标点,大小写,单词拼写, 错误很多,会扣很多分.我都给你改好了. 最严重的是, 你用了doutful,来表达反对的意见(opposite oppinions). doutful是怀疑的意思,用在这里让人很混淆.致命缺点,你的前两个例子不能够说明你的观点,比如电脑的革新,你完全没有提到在设计的时候反对意见对他先进的发展起到了什么作用.只是说以后会怎样,这个就没有力度了. 苹果的例子举得还可以.
总的来说,框架是有了,但是整个文章缺乏润色. 我也只能改改文法那些. 祝你好运.