求高手帮我修改一遍英语作文!修改得好可以加分!我在加拿大...Writeapersonalessayofapproximately700wordsinlength.Includeawordcount!Youressayistotaketheformofamemoir.UsetheessayswehavereadbyRichards,Lau

Question

求高手帮我修改一遍英语作文!修改得好可以加分!我在加拿大...
Write a personal essay of approximately 700 words in length.Include a word count!Your essay is to take the form of a memoir.Use the essays we have read by Richards,Laurence,etc.as guides.The purpose of your essay is to show how past experiences have shaped your identity and values.In order to demonstrate this effectively,you must therefore vividly describe a number of memories that have been significant in your personal development.
Style:
Provide a clear thesis-either implied or explicit-which may appear at any logical point within the essay.All the details you provide in your essay must support this thesis.
Include (and label) a minimum of two effective metaphors.
Include (and label) parallel structure or at least one other stylistic device.
A Special Letter
When I was in middle school,I received a very special letter signed by my classmates.I put this letter in my desk drawer,with the junior middle school graduation photograph.Every time when I saw this letter and the photograph,I would recall that memorable time,my classmates and their names on the letter.Those names are on different colors and different type but the same purpose.At the end,they left a short sentence,not too many words but so effective for me.It made me grow up.Also because of this letter,I started to think about a question.Who am Am I a good person?Or,do the people around me think that I am the person I really want to be and I am trying to be?Yes,I learned a lot from this letter,it made me to be a considerate person who knows how to consider the others’ point of view,think about the other people’s thinking about,and feel the other people’s feelings.
The middle school in China,every class should be required a class monitor.The monitor will help the teachers to do some tasks for the class.The head teacher will let the whole class do a vote-choice and the winner will be the class monitor who gets more votes than the others.I was the winner in my class.And that’s just a start.
That’s my first time to be a monitor,maybe for this reason; I worked everything so hardly and responsibly by myself.All the classmates felt good by having me in the class.The teachers also prefer to give me tasks.I was starting to get busier and busier.Then,I thought,I need help.I started to ask my classmates to help me to finish my jobs.“Mark,could u help me to get the attendance timesheet.” “Hey,Annie,could u help me to…” Everyone in our class tried to help me at less one time.I don’t think anyone in the class won’t be willing to help me,or I even didn’t think about this question.
“Edmond,you really did a good job!Thank you for your helping!” the head teacher said.This is not the first time the teacher praised me in the class.I felt very glad and so proud of that.However,the other people around me didn’t think that happy like me.There was some abnormal expression on their face,but I didn’t conscious of that.
I kept doing this as before,and some classmates began to distance themselves from me.I don’t know why,is it just because I ask them for help?Oh,come on!Those tasks are all for the whole class!Why are you not willing to do that?By contraries,I even felt a litter bit angry for those people who don’t want to do some help.Gradually,more and more classmates didn’t want to help me and I became more and more lonely.I did all the things,as that time I just be monitor,but my classmates were not longer feel that good by having me in class.
Until one day,the head teacher told me “Edmond,could u stay for few minutes after school.”
That’s not a tear in my eyes.I was shaking and holding the letter which full of names.My heart was like a broken mirror,and each fragment reflect a question mark.Why?The short sentence on the letter was writing:We don’t want to let Edmond as our monitor.And there are so many names on it.

Answer 1

When I was in middle school,I received a very special letter signed by my classmates.I put this letter in my desk drawer as well as a junior middle school graduation photograph..Every time I saw this letter and the enclosed photograph,I would recall that memorizable time,my fellow classmates and their names on the letter.Those names may be in different colors and different types but serve for the same purpose.At the end of the letter,they also left a short sentence.It is not of too many words but so effective for me.It made me grow up.Also because of this letter,I started to think about a question.Who am Am I a good person?
Or,do the people around me think that I am the person I really want to be and I am trying to be?Yes,I learned a lot from this letter.It made me a considerate person who knows how to consider others’ points of view,thinks about what other people are thinking about,and feels other people’s feelings.
A class monitor is required in every class in every middle school in China,The monitor will assist teachers to do some tasks for the class.The head teacher usually has the whole class vote and the winner will be the class monitor who finally gets more votes than the others..I was the winner in my class.And that was just a start.
It was my first time to be a monitor.Maybe for this reason; I worked at everything so hard and responsibly on my own.All the classmates felt good by having me in the class.Therefore the teachers also preferred to give me tasks.I was starting to get busier and busier.Then,I thought,I needed help.I started to ask my classmates to help me to finish my jobs.“Mark,could u help me to get the attendance timesheet.” “Hey,Annie,could u help me to…”
Everyone in our class tried to help me at least one time.I had every reason to say that everyone in the class was willing to help me,and I even didn’t think about this question.
“Edmond,you really did a good job!Thank you for your help!” the head teacher said.This was not the first time the teacher praised me in the class.I felt very glad and so proud of that.However,the other people around me didn’t look so happy as me.There was some abnormal expressions on their faces,but I was not aware of that.
I kept doing this before before some classmates began to keep themselves away from me.I don’t get the reason.Is it just because I asked them for help?Oh,come on!Those tasks were for the whole class!Why were you not willing to do that?By contrast,I even felt a little bit angry with those who did’t want to help me.Gradually,more and more classmates didn’t want to help me and I became more and more lonely.I had to do all the things alone.Monitor as I was at that time,my classmates were not longer feeling that good about me being in class.
Things did not change till one day,when the head teacher told me “Edmond,could u stay for few minutes after school.”
Tears welled up from my eyes.I was shaking and holding the letter which was written fully with their names.My heart was just like a broken mirror,and each fragment reflected a question mark.Why?The short sentence on the letter read and replied:We don’t want to make Edmond our monitor any longer.