我的英语演讲稿子,谁帮我修改一下~我的稿子在这：LadiesandGentlemen,boysandgirls,goodafternoon!MynameisXXX,IcomefromClassTwo,GradeSeven.Today,I’dliketoshareastorywithyou.AterribleearthquakehappenedinWen

Question

我的英语演讲稿子,谁帮我修改一下~
我的稿子在这：
Ladies and Gentlemen,boys and girls,good afternoon!My name is XXX,I come from Class Two ,Grade Seven.Today ,I’d like to share a story with you.
A terrible earthquake happened in Wenchuan on May 12,2008.Many people lost their lives and homes.During those days,a lot of stories about love could be heard.Here is one of them.After the earthquake,under a fallen building,some soldiers found that a woman died in a very strange way.When they were ready to take her away ,they were surprised to find that a baby in her arms was still alive .The baby was sleeping and wasn’t hurt at all.Between the dead mother and the living baby,there was a cell phone with a short message on the screen,“My dear baby ,if you can survive ,remember that I love you.” Everybody cried when they read these words.
Besides this story,many other stories also moved us deeply .From these stories,we know more about love.The greatest thing in the world is the mother-love.It is eternal and selfless.There is someone who will care you and love you forever,that is your mother.
You ’re lucky if you’re loved by others.You’re great if you love others when you’re in danger.
That’s all,thank you!
这演讲稿子大概用2分钟整讲完,谁可以帮我补充一点,让我大概2分半钟演讲完?谢谢了````

Answer 1

整体感觉作为初中生来说稿子很不错.
mother-love 应该是mother's love,如果是规范用法的话,
用"-"连起来的两个词用作定语,比如：
six-kingdom alliance 六国的联盟
但有以下几点建议：
1 they were surprised to find that a baby in her arms was still alive
可以改成高级一点的：
to their surprise,there was a baby still being alive in her arm
2 Besides this story,many other stories also moved us deeply .From these stories,we know more about love.
合并成从句会显得很有水平：
Besides this story,many other stories from which we know more about love also moved us deeply.
3 There is someone who will care you and love you forever,that is your mother.
可以改成强调句,可改可不改,是高中句型
It is your mother who will care you and love you forever.
建议就这些,你写的很不错,保持你的英语才华,再加修炼的话会成为那种被人们敬佩为会地道英语的学生的.
如果可以的话,以下的一些话可以作为参考,插入在合时的位置.
The great love of the mother spread over the nation when the message,though,being very short,was shown on the screen.
These stories makes our heart warm when the terrible disaster struck our country.